Rules for entering Texas

Rules for entering Texas:

1) Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2) They are pigs, cattle, and oil wells. That’s what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.

3) So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We’re real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive three weeks a year.

4) So every person in every car waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6) We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah,we saw “Bambi,” too. We got over it.

7) If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.

8) The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season.It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9) Any references to “corn fed” when talking about our women will get you jack-slapped, by our women.

10) We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of age.

11) No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

12) When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices-salt, pepper, and Tabasco sauce.

13) You bring “Coke” into my house it better be brown, wet, served over ice and plenty of it! You bring “Hooch” into my house it better have 4 legs,a tail, and have a nose for quail, dove, duck, teal, or pheasant. You bring Mary Jane” to my house she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14) Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar, some lemon, and a long spoon.

15) High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

16) We have more Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so,”Don’t Mess With Texas”. If you do it will get your butt kicked by the best!

17) Also, remember what Governor Sam Houston once said, “Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can’t make it without Texas.”

Courtesy of B-I-L Keith! :wink