When I am King…

When I am King, I am going to administer a mandatory multiple choice test to every citizen on their 25th birthday. A passing grade will allow that person to continue living in modern society, with all rights and privileges, including the right to vote, reproduce, drive a car, use a computer, and complain about whatever they feel like complaining about. Any grade below passing will be punishable by instant death. No questions asked. “Sorry… you failed… we have no use for someone like you. Kindly strap yourself in to this chair…”

Here are a few sample question from my quiz:

Wine should be served from a:

a) Box

b) Can

c) Wine?

d) Bottle

If you’re in the check-out line at the grocery store, the best way to get the conveyor belt to stop is to:

a) Keep pushing your items further back on the belt so that they don’t get eaten by the eerie green light below the conveyor mechanism.

b) Panic and pick up your groceries so that the items belonging to the guy behind you get eaten by the eerie green light.

c) Stare at the cashier with a panicked look on your face so that he flicks the switch and turns the belt off, saving your items from the eerie green light.

d) Leave your items on the belt. When they reach the end, the little electric-eye thingy will trigger and turn the belt off. They will not be eaten by the eerie green light.

When an airplane finishes taxiing and pulls up to the gate, passengers should:

a) Immediately stand up and crowd the aisle of the airplane

b) Stand up and grab your items from the overhead bin, knocking the guy next to you in the head

c) Stand up and attempt to exit the plane.

d) Remain seated. You’re not going anywhere for ten more minutes. No need to create chaos.

If everyone had a basic understanding of things, the world would be a better place and I wouldn’t have to explain to the guy in front of me why he should leave his groceries on the conveyor belt.

Finally, what do you get for the man who has everything? (I mean HAS everything!)

I’m here to help.