Bonfire: Flaming Spear Edition

With the start of college football season just a few weeks away, it’s only fitting that we give Chief Osceola a shot at this week’s Bonfire of the Vanities:

• Feste relives his “terror in the skies” moment and the lingering Alert
  Angst.
• Sean knows the best places for grub in Milwaukee. John Kerry doesn’t.
• Patterico starts to wonder why people should even bother reading his blog. The answer? The toe-licking stories.
• Phelps is clearing space on his iPod for MC Chris.
• Who cares what the post is about? Brian quotes Jem and the Holograms!
• Prettiest gal in all of Mayberry? I know an Interested Participant who’s tracking which of Andy’s honies is the hottie.
• See the Satanic Kerry Hampster Dance – Touch The Satanic Kerry Hamster Dance! (Editor’s Note: No hamsters were actually made to come into contact with Kerry. Kerry may, however, receive a Purple Heart for his participation.)
• “…pimped out gold dalek…” What more needs to be said?
• Can’t sleep with Britney Spears? Get your Spirit Fingers up ‘cuz you can sleep like Britney!
• Whatever you do – don’t distribute the memo.
• Tree decapitations and chainsaw accidents: funny? Discuss amongst yourselves as Erica prepares for a swift karma kick in the ass.
• And finally, a beer festival is just a regular day until the goat-headed men, Vikings, and inflatable dolls show up.

As for my shameful post of the week, hey, we’re all Rick James, bitch!

Much thanks to Kevin @ Wizbang for the chance to join in his merry game of self-mockery: The Bonfire of the Vanities!